Over the past couple of weeks I have watched myself going on a roller coaster of emotions. I have been at the lowest point in my life to the point I could not pull myself out of bed to a point of self realization. This has probably been the hardest point in my life. I've had to loose people and things that I thought I could hold on to, to understand ME. I've cried myself to exhaustion and now I've been able to realize the real meaning of friendship.
Now, today is a new point. I feel like I have been able to somewhat accept all that has happened in my life in almost a month. I've learned that friendship is the most vital thing in this world. I've learned that relationships are lovely and all, but sometimes it's OK if they don't work out. It's the bond and love that you still contain for that person that matters the most. Friends are what matter most right now.
What I feel will be the challenge for me is finding me. Finding who I am, what I want for me, and how I want to be seen by others. I have made a fool of myself the last month and that is mainly my fault. I kept things in and never let anyone know how I was feeling. I overloaded my dearest friend and didn't rely on the other friends I had because I was too afraid of judgment. No one could ever know the pain I have experienced right now. Everyday I am try more and more to fix that pain instead of just numbing it away. I'm learning about giving myself the personal time I need. I'm learning that it's OK to be alone, because in reality I'm not I still have all my friends that support me the most.
I have definitely turn over a new chapter in my life. The plans I had for my life are gone and I have a fresh page to go off of. Right now is when I must surround myself with things that make me smile, feel the best, and give me the support I need to assist me with making the right decisions in my life. I want to do right this time, but that may not happen. Life is not perfect what-so-ever. Even for that brief shining moment it may feel perfect, it may not be. To find those rare and perfect things in life you must love what you already have to be able to love elsewhere.
I have to learn to love myself. Love what I was given, the talents I have, the thoughts, the dreams, and the one and only person that I am always going to be. My friends will be there to support me but only if I can learn to support myself. I cannot hurt them in the process. They have been trying to tell me this for too long, one in particular. I have to learn, because if I don't them I'm going to keep losing love I already have from people.
I have to realize how beautiful my life can be. I do not have to loose anyone to have that happen, I just have to learn to realize, learn that it's OK, learn that all things happen for a reason, and learn most of all that I am never alone no matter what.
"Friends are like angels
sent down to earth to make good days
and help us find our way."
