End of 2010

So the end of 2010 is fastly approaching. It seems weird that such an epic year is coming to a close so soon. I remember last year at this time I was nothing but pumped for the year 2010 because it was the year that I had been waiting for what seemed like forever. This was the year I was finally going to be forever finished with school and be able to start my new life! As I look back on the year I think about all that I have done/accomplished/been through/paid for (most important).

It has been a costly year with a new apartment, new expenses (bills), and attempting at saving a little puppy's life. All these things have come with great headache but I have grown from them to say the least.

I have to look back on the year on the good things though. I graduated college, I have two jobs that provide for me. I am teaching dance to some wonderful kids, I have a place to live, and I have kept up some pretty important friendships. For that I have to be thankful for what I have. Bad things will always come up but I believe it is all about how you approach them and what you learn from them. Now as I face 2011 I have to look forward to a LOT of close friends getting married, unfortunately a new living situation, heading a dance camp this summer for the town of Garner, and hopefully new developments within my career. Maybe within 2011 I can become finacally stable, find a decent living situation, and try again at the whole man's best friend. As long as I surrounded by important friendships and my family I know I will be able to make it through as much as I can.

Cheers to 2011!

Things I love about Fall

1. Cooler Weather
   
2. Scarfs
3. Pumpkins
4. Candy Corn
5. Pumpkin Bread
6. Colored Leaves
7. Light weight jackets
8. October Birthdays : )
   
9. Boots
10. Smaller energy bill!

Here is to hope that this blog post will send good vibes towards the weather and grant us our fall wishes!!

My Kids

OK so I do not have kids of my own BUT after becoming a full time dance teacher this year all my kids that I see every week have transformed into "my kids." I look forward to seeing my kids each week, listening to the stories they have to tell me, and it is always a good day when I get self portrait drawings of myself from my kids. They never cease to amuse me.

This is what I look like apparently to one of my four year olds. Pretty entertaining.

I have to admit I am a fan of the MTV "Teen Mom." Tonight's finale episode got the water works going when one of the Mom's Caitlynn was reunited with her daughter a year after giving her up for adoption. Although she was sixteen when she made the decision, I feel like she was very grown up and mature with her decision because she herself knew she could not provide what this child deserved. Her reunion with her daughter really brought to attention to the fact on how children can effect and alter your life.

Children change adults lives. They can make you happy when you are sad. They always give you something to laugh about and it is very hard to stay mad at them. I love seeing my kids. My kids change my life. They teach me something new everyday.

This is why I am a teacher.

When you were 4 years old.

Can you even think back that far? For me the only reason I remember the age of 4 is because that is the year my brother was born and I became and big sister and also the same year I started taking dance classes.

It's entertaining to observe the four year olds I have in class. As a teacher its interesting to sit back and think...is this how I acted when I was little? Did I really believe in all those myths that Disney was telling me through those very popular Disney Princess' about true love, blah, blah, blah. I almost want to take these little girls by the hand and say, "Honey, I know that Ariel is all cool and everything and she totally grew legs and fell in love with a guy while having no voice...but in the real world you are going to have to work a lot harder than that to land your true love so just push all those fairy tale ideas out of your head."

Things are so simple in the eyes of a child. They play pretend and believe one day they will grow up to be a Princess. Playing house is fun. A child wants to collect as many baby dolls as possible and take care of them as their own. Dressing up is fun. High heels are comfortable. A huge tree can easily become your dream home.

Think about it. What were your favorite things to do when you were small? What did you dream of. Being around these kids keeps me young...allows me to remember what is important about being a child. One day they will figure out that they probably will never be a princess and "playing" house is actually really quite difficult and having lots of babies is not something you want to collect unless you desire to be Kate Gosslin and as for your dream home...well it very well may end up being a tree in this economy.

So until they grow up its sweet to watch them dream. I could never spoil those dreams for them now because that is what keeps everyone going...dreams of better days.

Teaching leaves little time for Blogging

It has been forever ago since I last had the time to sit down and actually record my thoughts. What I have realized is that teaching does in fact give me pleanty to analyze/think about but leave little time/energy for me to sit down and write about it.

So far I am enjoying teaching all of my classes. Going from teaching three classes last year on one night a week to teaching twenty one classes five days a week is quite and dramatic difference. I have a variety of personalities when it comes to my students. I usually always leave work at night with one good story to call home and make my mom laugh about. My favorite so far this year comes from one of my little four year olds who quite observantly noticed that my panty line was showing through my dance pants one day. In noticing this she decided to ask me in front of the rest of the class if I was still wearing diapers.....needless to say this was one of the moments where I didn't know if it was OK to burst out and laugh or try and seriously answer this eager students question.

Teaching is great. Keep me in shape and busy for sure. I have also lined up a couple side jobs just so I can make it in this "big girl world." I have found myself not so missing the school portion of college but more of the MC Life itself. Not being around all my closest girlfriends, prepapring for dance performances, and def. not practicing for Cornhuskin' especially during this time of the year! I have to say I miss seeing my friends but I am thankful to have a job. I know that eventually my body will catch up with the routine and realize that eating dinner at 10:00 is OK.

Welcome to the "Real World"

Welcome to my new life/apartment/adulthood.
As the month turns to August...many new things have began to take place
1. Rent (scary & not something fun to bring in a new month)
2. Bills
3. Job (lots of more kiddies & lots more classes)
4. NO COLLEGE CLASSES : )
5. Expanding on current relationships (making sure to always connect to the ones that matter since they are not so close anymore!)
6. New ROOMIE!


Thats all that is occurring at the moment, but the month is young.
I am really looking forward to all this newness...just hope I can afford it.
Literally.

Enjoy new pictures of the apartment!

Isn't she lovely

Yesterday my dear friend Katie Brown, now Katie Tompkins, was wed to Mr. Gregory Tompkins. I had the sweet opportunity to be a bridesmaid in the wedding and get to experience the wedding first hand. For it being the first wedding that I had ever actually been in, it was by far one of the most beautiful wedding. Katie and Greg have always been such a happy couple. It was so nice to see a couple so in love finally tie the knot. It gives us single girls faith that there are guys out there for us and one day we will have that dream wedding. Katie had her dream wedding yesterday, she married her dream guy, and she will forever live in love with Greg and never regret the decision she made to share her life with him. I am so happy for the couple and I look forward to my new found faith in men and weddings...maybe one day my dreams will come true too.

tears

When you think of tears you may think of sadness, but in my mind there are different types of tears:

happy tears: like when you find out your dance made the Gala performance for the first time ever
sobbing tears: when you hurt so much inside the only way to get rid of the pain is to sob
laughing tears: when you are laughing so hard at something/someone that you can't help but tear
mad tears: basically once you reach the limit of how pissed off you can be that you explode into tears
regular tears: the emotional starter. the ones you can't hold back no matter how hard you try

So why would I be talking about tears at a time like this? I am about to experience GRADUATION and my FINAL dance concert at Meredith! I should be soooooo happy! Yet when I look on the experience I experience many different tear symptom forms. I have diagnosed myself with all four cases. For example today writing out addresses for graduation announcements and not sending one to my grandmother, knowing how much she would have loved to see me graduate as well as possible perform for my very last time on stage. Its all bittersweet and I am sure that this weekend dancing with the seniors will bring tears to many peoples eyes.

So as the weeks go on I know to keep my tissues handy and my loved ones close, even if they are not as close as I would want them to be.

Thinking of you always Grandmother.

Amy & Kellie Day

So today was a Saturday and for once it was a free day in my life which is very rare. But I actually did not sit around in front of the TV, instead I spent the day active with my good friend Kellie. It was so refreshing to be out of the norm and just out enjoying the day. We spent our day apartment looking and talking about life plans over Chick-Fil-A followed by a very laid back photo shoot with Kellie's new favorite piece of furniture at Meredith College. Though our photo shoot was cut short due to battery failure in the camera, my favorite moment was sitting on that piece of furniture in an empty dance studio listening to Kellie try and recall just how to play all of her favorite tunes on the piano. Made me think about just how lucky I was to have met the people I had in college. Though Kellie and I really did not meet until last year, I was so lucky to have her as a friend and so amazed at how someone, like Kellie, could be so talented, sweet, and just an all around wonderful individual.
Later on we decided a good laugh was in need so we went to see "Date Night" and laughed like no other at this movie which did not turn out like we expected at all. Our laughs continued to our drive through man who just could not seem to operated his order screen. Kellie and I do not get many days together due to equally busy schedules that never seem to coincide so today for me was special.
"Date Night" had a very touching line, which is quite ironic considering it is in fact a comedy, but Steve Carell's character says to Tina Fey that he would do it all over again, their marriage, their kids and so on that she was worth it and he wouldn't even have to think twice about whether or not he would do it or not. I wouldn't have to think twice about the friends I have in my life now. Though some have faded, some friendships changed from hardships, and some were developed late, but yet all those people that I have met in college, like Kellie, are the friendships I would do all over again just to experience it again, just to have those moments back and treasure those precious moments that now are just precious memories. I feel like that it the most important thing that I will walk away from Meredith College with and though I wouldn't do the whole 4 years of actual college again, but I would totally do the whole 4 years of college life again.

One Month

There are 32 days left till graduation. 12 days of classes. Whoa.

With the madness of Danceworks hitting in full force this week, preparation for an audition for next weekend, and trying to find a place to live in grown up world...I can officially say I have hit the real world. Unbelievable.

This is the last chance to try and enjoy Meredith College...minus all the work I have to complete and enjoy my time with my friends. Time has truly flown by. Let us all say a little prayer for all of us seniors to make it through the next 4 weeks.

How long can "eventually" amount to?

So I ask myself, what is it going to take...what is it going to take for me to finally give myself what I deserve? I can't tell you. I know people look at me all the time wondering why I make the decisions that I do. I've always said its too complicated to explain. It's like that gut feeling you have when you have a hunch that things are supposed to end up a certain way and you will drive yourself literally mad to see that it happens. Exhaustion sets in, you even seem worthless to yourself, and you think what the heck I am doing to myself? I've found myself making decisions that include things other than what is best for myself...but why? The only decisions I need to be making are the ones that affect me.

What's it going to take to realize that giving all of myself to someone who cannot repeat the favor is not what is the best decision. Why will a human tolerate pain just to try and see the good in the situation? Eventually it will come to us...eventually we will realize that you deserve better...eventually we will let go of everything that we have been holding on for years. Eventually we will see what is the best for us and not for anyone else. Being selfish is not a good trait to have, but in certain situations it is important to posses.

If you can make it past all that, if you can just for once stand up for yourself and know that it is for good then maybe you will get to experience what is it like to honest to god feel good. Going crazy isn't worth it when it's a one sided struggle. One cannot put in all the effort that requires two for. Eventually....one day....it will hit us and we will finally realize that we deserve so much better.

But that's the thing...we never know how long eventually can actually mean.

"When you feel like you love someone more than he loves you, it can make you a little crazy. It can make you a lot crazy." -Grey's Anatomy

Inspiration

I am currently working on my DanceWorks piece for April. I've always had such a hard time finding the motivation to have a certain meaning behind a dance but for some reason this semester it just came to me. My dance will focus on verbal abusive relationships. This can range from what an individual would automatically think of when seeing the words "verbal abusive" to the smallest words that someone could say to you that could hurt you the most. It is a very emotional score for me to tackle. Most people do not know a lot about my life because I choose to hide a lot of it, but for almost of my life I have witnessed verbal abusive relationships in many forms. It is something that is difficult to admit and also absorb in your life.
Whether or not you witness it, are a victim, or are the actual cause of it...the results are unhealthy, undesirable, and life alternating. It can change everything. It is something so hard to run away from. Usually someone who suffers through this type of relationship will stick it out and hope for the best but always knowing deep down that it may never come. So far that is what I have based a lot of the movement on...no matter how much this individual may defer me I will always go back hoping that there is a different way.
So as life goes on different things happen everyday that motivate me creatively to make this piece. Its been a huge leap of confidence to take my everything and put it on stage but I figured its your last performance ever as a college student....go for it. Stay tuned.

MJTco

This week I am preparing for one of my last dance concerts at Meredith. This one I am particularly proud of considering I have the opportunity to not only choreograph two pieces in the concert but also lead my peers as the Jazz "leader." Due to past weekends lovely weather we had to postpone our concert to this week. The concert is very fun and I am looking forward to everyone getting to come see it as well a large portion of my family coming to support me. It hasn't been since I was dancing at a studio back in good ole Kernersville that my family (and when I say family I mean grandparents, aunts, ect.) are coming to watch me on stage. It is very meaningful to me with all the hard work I have put behind this concert. More meaningfulness behind this concert is the fact I got to fulfill my dreams of honor Michael Jackson. I have put my heart and soul in this tribute and I feel like it is too fun to be missed! Also faculty, Talani Torres is our advisor over the company and her hard work towards this company's work as well as her job at Meredith College prove that her spot here at Meredith is valuable and she is too important to be lost.
Tomorrow night (Wednesday) is our big dress rehearsal and then Thursday & Friday are the show @ 8pm in Jones Auditorium. I hope to see a big audience excited to see some very fun dancing : ) !

Have You Ever?

After watching the Grammy's last night I have fallen in love with Pink's new song: "Glitter in the Air." Personally the lyrics are beautiful, motivating, and inspire me beyond belief. So I shall share them with you.



Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight