Its been months since I have had the leisure to sit and write. Its been too long.
Too much has happened since the last time has wrote and a lot has changed in my life. I'm not going to sit here and write about all that has happened, my emotions and blah blah blah. I'm just over that. Instead I'm going to write about how beautiful breaking down truly is.
Most people think when one is breaking down they are locked inside a room a mess, crying their eyes out or even worse in a horrible anger rage. Well yes, this is a type of break down, but not the one I'm talking about. The break down I am talking about is when life seems to stand still for once instead of flying by, discovering what really matters instead of what you may perceive as to matter, noticing things that make your life blessed and give honest happiness.
Coming home and away from school has allowed me to discover my break down. Life seems to flow so freely here, the only downfall is that time seems to speed up and the days become shorter when I wish some days could drag on for as long as possible. I am able to have a life here. I get to live my life for me and not for anyone else.
The cell phone doesn't matter, the AIM does not have to be on constantly, Facebook only gets checked once a day, and email is not of the priority every morning. Yes here at home I can lay in my bed, the bed I wish I could pack up and take to school with me, and actually read a book because I want to, not because it is my homework assignment for the following class. I can go out to places that remind me of memories from my years here at home and allow me to remember those days of happier times. I just can be utterly spontaneous.
I do not think it is all about being at home that has helped me in my break down. Instead I feel like I have learned a lot of about myself over the past semester. Now I know I said I was not getting into emotions and I am not, but I have learned to be observant with myself and the people that impact my life. I refuse to surround myself with people who are difficult to trust, people who can only end up bringing me down in the end. I know the person I want to be to be and I have discovered that the only way that I am going to become that person is to single handily get what I want on my own. I used to fear doing things on my own, but that fear has subsided. I have my dreams, my good friends, my family, and the love for my life that keeps me strong.
My life is on the way up. It is up to wonderful things and I am so completely thrilled about my future. The one scary thing is, that future that I'm working towards, well its arriving in a year and a half. I'm already discovering myself preparing things for my future, making plans, and having some of my dreams become reality. I've found myself at a point where I know to go for whatever opportunities are presented to me and take advantage of them. If I don't now, I may never get to again. Taking risks in life right now is the best decision because they could up being the best decisions for me and lead me to even bigger things.
So my advice for me and for those of you who may read if you so do consider is this: take the time to do the things you want to do, go to those places where happy memories remain, laugh until your stomach is in knots, surround yourself with that person you wish you could have around you everyday, learn to appreciate small things, and embrace all the good that is in your life because it is there. . . . just sometimes it can be hidden in unreachable places.
Memories make life and we make those memories, so make your life filled with all the good ones.
"You don't know nothing, but you don't need to know,
The wisdom is in the trees not the glass windows,
You can't stop wishing if you don't let go,
The things that you find, and you loose, and you know,
You keep on rolling put the moment on hold."
