How long can "eventually" amount to?

So I ask myself, what is it going to take...what is it going to take for me to finally give myself what I deserve? I can't tell you. I know people look at me all the time wondering why I make the decisions that I do. I've always said its too complicated to explain. It's like that gut feeling you have when you have a hunch that things are supposed to end up a certain way and you will drive yourself literally mad to see that it happens. Exhaustion sets in, you even seem worthless to yourself, and you think what the heck I am doing to myself? I've found myself making decisions that include things other than what is best for myself...but why? The only decisions I need to be making are the ones that affect me.

What's it going to take to realize that giving all of myself to someone who cannot repeat the favor is not what is the best decision. Why will a human tolerate pain just to try and see the good in the situation? Eventually it will come to us...eventually we will realize that you deserve better...eventually we will let go of everything that we have been holding on for years. Eventually we will see what is the best for us and not for anyone else. Being selfish is not a good trait to have, but in certain situations it is important to posses.

If you can make it past all that, if you can just for once stand up for yourself and know that it is for good then maybe you will get to experience what is it like to honest to god feel good. Going crazy isn't worth it when it's a one sided struggle. One cannot put in all the effort that requires two for. Eventually....one day....it will hit us and we will finally realize that we deserve so much better.

But that's the thing...we never know how long eventually can actually mean.

"When you feel like you love someone more than he loves you, it can make you a little crazy. It can make you a lot crazy." -Grey's Anatomy