missing someone

It's been awhile since I last wrote, for once since I have been home my life has been practically busy and my body is for sure letting me know. So on my Sunday afternoon I decide that a good post is what I need.

I've felt a little indifferent over the past couple of days. It's hard to put my finger on it but I just feel out of myself. I've been confronted with a lot of situations lately that I haven't had to deal with in years. Such as, getting asked out on a date by a guy who seems to not be getting a clue, or a past relationship finally realizing that we may never have the chance to be the friends that we wanted because it is way too painful for the other half. See the funny thing to me is I've thought about one of these situations happening to me years ago and hoped that they never would because I could see them as potently being kind of a mess. But now that it has happened I'm somewhat relieved. Maybe this is all apart of a plan, a plan that is to benefit my future life.

It's strange to me how things mostly end on bad or sad notes. Take for instance a break-up, a friendship falling apart, or even death. Why is it so difficult to end some situations on a happy note with happy tears instead of sad tears?

All I know that when certain situations do come to an end there is a good amount of time spent missing the other one. My real question is, is it good to miss someone? Even though you may have anger and sadness built up is that really what is best for you?

Today out of most days stands out because for the first time I am truly missing someone dear to me. The words, "I miss you" are almost similar to the words, "I love you," completely overused. Yes of course its somewhat easier to say I miss you than I love you, but still why must people completely overuse these two heartfelt sayings?

I hate feeling alone and even though I know I am not alone it is just now in this moment that I feel so completely alone and I know all I would need is his touch, his warmth, his smile to make me feel whole again. Sometimes I can still feel him, its like his touch can never linger away from me as long as he is at heart. I find myself fall deeper and deeper in love at moments. Moments where all that seem to matter are the words he's saying to me or moments where I know this is how love is supposed to feel, that saying those three important words was the easiest thing for me to do because I've known for too long how I felt about him.

I'm out on a limb and it's scary. For some reason though I'm not hesitating to go back, I only want to go further. It just seems like for once everything with him means my life is put together when in reality it is not at all. Even for that thirty minute talk on the phone everything else seems to slowly disappear to me and all I can see is him and that's all that matters at that point.

Missing someone, maybe it is for the better or maybe for the worse. I still don't know. All I know is I am missing and loving someone so dearly at the same time and not at all over using those words what-so-ever.